Friday, December 23, 2011

Uncle, Dammit! UNCLE!!!!

There aren't enough four-letter words.

You remember that part in A Christmas Story,  where the narrator discusses his father weaving "a tapestry of profanity that, to this day is still unmatched"?

The Old Man had nothing on me during the third period last night.

Of course, if you're in Nashville, then the words you're looking for are "Holy $#!+..."

But in Columbus? Well... hockey died a little on Thursday.

Can an NHL coach get fired this close to Christmas?

We just might find out today. It's sad, but... it's time.

If my memory is correct, the current "Fired NHL Coaches" count is sitting at five. One of them, Washington, was even above .500 when they pulled the trigger. Hell, St. Louis was only a game below .500 when they canned Davis Payne.

Never mind what the hell you say to a guy who has coached your team to a 9-21-4 record through 34 games... how quickly do you say it?

Even in his best mood, ghosts and all, Ebenezer Scrooge would be saying "Cratchitt, take Christmas off! You know what... take the next day off, too!

"There's a game then? Bah, we'll make it work!"

And then change all the locks.

You can bet your pucks that the Ghost of Hockey Seasons Yet To Come showed Scrooge last night's game. On repeat.

A hat trick by Jeff Carter in the first period, en route to a 4-1 lead in the first period. Four power play goals... three of which came on a five-minute power play after the Predators' resident lumberjackass Brian McGrattan boarded Jared Boll.

All of those great plays... those highlights... and yet, it's really hard for Jackets fans to give a $#!+.

Why? Because the team has apparently stopped giving a $#!+.

You know that whole "cooler heads prevail" thing I was preaching some time ago? Yeah, that attitude is now a scratch. A very un-healthy scratch.

The Jackets are 10 or 11 regulation losses away from mathematical elimination (loose estimate, based on 95 points for the 8th seed). The odds are damn near impossible for the Jackets to win enough games to scrape out that Playoff spot now.

(Okay, they probably were a week ago... maybe two.)

(Okay, three.)

I understand the front office's previous stance about the injuries, and how fans needed to see the roster that Scott Howson built before making a decision on Scott Arniel.

Well, for the steps forward the Jackets have taken since then, they have taken more steps back. The team is now in worse shape than before.

The best the Jackets can hope for is to fight their way back to...

...well, "respectability" is off the table.

How about "some shred of dignity"?

There's an old joke that says, "You know you're going to have a bad day when your boss calls you into the office, and tells you to leave your coat on."

I'm sensing Scott Arniel is about to have a very bad day.

It's sad, but... it's time.

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